.: total geek lust: v2.0 - A Hard Geek is Good to Find :.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

The Girl: has a long-winded inner battle.

Maybe it's my prolific blogging - I've been blogging almost every day since 2001, so to me, it's habit. I love blogging. I crave blogging. The first thing I think of when something happens to me is, "this would make the best post EVER!" But then again, I do recognize that not everyone posts upwards of 3 times a day. I also recognize that many people won't even blog more than every other day. I ran across a survey a year or so ago that said that out of all the people out there that start new blogs, over 80% will not last longer than 6 months, starting off with one post a day, then trinkling down to once a week, then once every month or so before it's abandoned.

Maybe it's the geek in me, but an abandoned blog makes me sad.

The point of the survey is that in this New Age of Teh Internet (i love saying that. hah!), everyone and their brother is jumping on the blogging bandwagon because it's "new" and "cool". After the new car smell wears off, the blogs are abandoned.

A blogger that's blogged consistently for at least a year (meaning, without having a hiatus of any kind) is sort of uncommon. Two years, pretty rare. So imagine how 5+ years is. I'm practically ancient. Oy. Then again, I know a few people that have blogged for about that long. We're like the Bridge Club of Teh Net.

Factor in that almost every blogger I've known - be it a friend that started blogging or a blogger I befriended - has abandoned their blog after only a few months. I currently speak to (or until last week, did) 3 bloggers on a friendly basis. Everyone else gave their blog up. It's because the new bloggers realize that while blogging may be "hip", not everyone finds it fun. Not everyone enjoyed English class in school, did they?

So on one hand, I think that I shouldn't expect any sort of blog posts from Scooter/Junior/Foofy Foofy/The Boy, because the odds point to him not posting on an even somewhat coherant schedule. But then on the other hand, I'm like, "..... well... I try to post once a day. He should make the effort, too. Or if we go a few days without speaking, he should make a post in that time. I'd do it."

And therein lies my problem. "I do ______, thus I hold everyone to those expectations." I do that in everything.

"Well, I called him on my way home and asked him what he wanted for dinner. He told me. I picked it up. I do that every time. He's never done it once!"

or maybe:

"You know, whenever I walk past him, I make it a point to touch him - either a light touch on the small of his back or a full-on grab to the ass or cock. I do that every time I walk past him. But he never touches me."

or the all too common:

"I always initiate sex. Always. The once-in-three-months times he's initiated, it's been when I'm so obviously in a wretched mood and don't feel like being fucked."

It's just frustrating to log into TGL 50 times a day and hope to see a new post, but then never see one. Same thing with emails and such. I'm so easily spoiled, because I've really gone a long time with attention (sexual attention is one thing - that's for work. you know what i mean). So I guess that whenever I do get a little bit of attention, I get adjusted to it. So then I expect the conversations daily and such, and when I don't get them, I feel neglected.

Note: I realize that Scoot has a very unconventional schedule, and he's not sitting in front of a computer all day like I am. I realize this. I accept it. This sounds really out there, but work with me: I sometimes feel like he's off galavanting the countryside on his offtime, hanging out with friends, hooking up with chicks... and I'm stuck here, constantly checking my email and TGL to see if he's updated or emailed yet. It's embarrassing to say that, but it's true. It's a combination of somewhat insecurity, being roughly 4 hours away from one another, and being a tad OCD. So I do tend to fixate on things. I highly doubt (because I could never truly know since I'm here - I'm just saying that I know how he thinks and reacts and that's what I'm basing my opinions on. i really don't want to be one of those "oh, but i KNOW HIM! he would NEVER cheat on me!" girls. ) that he's "playing the field" while I sit at home checking for his emails and waiting for a post. But that's how I feel.

And TGL is here for me to be honest about everything I'm going through - be it good, bad, horrible, or downright insane. I think this qualifies as Insane. I suppose this is just another Vent. But still. I'm allowed to be selfish and want more attention.

Like a creepy obsessive boyfriend.

posted by SWF @ 12:59 AM

1 Comments:

At 12:45 PM, Rob said…

"well... I try to post once a day. He should make the effort, too."

Oh well, if the lad drops the blogging ball from time to time then I guess we'll just have to take care of things for him, right? (evil grin)

Hi, just found your blog, will be adding it to my list of 700+ others in my files but no worries, I'll be back, as Arnie S. likes to say. (evil grin)